Every month or so I go to a favorite sushi bar with a group of friends I've known since graduate school. We always have a good time, enjoying the food and camaraderie. In the past, we've always split the tab evenly, and it's never been a problem. But lately, I've been skipping this gathering because one friend has been inviting someone new. I'll call the newbie Barney (not his real name). Inviting someone new is not the problem.
The problem and the source of my annoyance is that Barney orders (and eats) at least twice as much as everyone else, greedily perusing the menu for new dishes to try. He NEVER shares with others the way the rest of us do and he typically orders the most expensive drinks and sushi enough for a small army. Then, when it's time to pay, Barney is only too delighted to split the tab evenly... can't whip out his wallet fast enough. And did I mention Barney's favorite topic of conversation is, ad nauseam: Barney's Horrible Day (Week, Month, Year, Life, Job...)!
For me, it's not about the money... paying an extra $10 or so won't break the bank. It's Barney's utter lack of consideration and his boorish behavior that annoys the c!%& out of me. It's interesting how one person can change the group dynamic. So far, I've kept mum, not wanting to be cheap or feel awkward by asking Barney to pay his fair share (or to shut up for that matter).
Since it had never been a problem, we just kept up the practice of splitting the tab as we had always done before Barney. It's what a lot of folks do, I think. When dh and I go out with friends, or when I dine out with a group, everyone keeps track of their tab and pays the corresponding amount. It works out just fine and someone usually volunteers to be the "banker" and collect the cash. Or, if we all order about the same, we evenly split it.
Nowadays, if I know that Barney will be at the sushi bar, I decline rather than having to deal with him. I guess I have no spine when it comes to some things... and maybe Barney's behavior doesn't bother anyone else but me. Who cares? At this point in my life, I avoid annoying, irritating, negative people the same way I do pollen and stinging insects... or anything else that provokes my allergies. Do you know someone like Barney and how do you deal with him/her?
Allergic to Annoying People
March 5th, 2009 at 04:40 pm
March 5th, 2009 at 04:45 pm 1236271522
March 5th, 2009 at 04:48 pm 1236271704
I prefer to split the bill. Whenever anyone starts adding up the tab I think, "Good lord, just divide by 2, (or 3 or 4)." IT usually works out in the end. But on the flip side I would have low tolerance if someone always insisted on ordering twice as much and refused to every compensate for their share. How annoying! I guess dining with respectable people you don't see the point in laboring over the bill though. Which is quite a plus.
March 5th, 2009 at 06:18 pm 1236277115
March 5th, 2009 at 06:37 pm 1236278246
It's *funny* that you mention this. I just read an article that basically said in situations like that, you (the general you, not the specific you) should just suck it up and pay up. Because ultimately "you" are the one who looks petty.
I was shocked by this to be honest. I have no problem if/when someone buys a beverage (be it coffe, pop or wine) and someone else only gets water. Same if I buy a $10 entree and someone else gets a $12 entree. However, I do take umbrage if/when they get a drink, appetizer, more expensive entree and a dessert and they are the ONLY one who does it. They should then pay their fair share.
Fortunately for me, I guess, my friends are such grade A cheap-@$$e$, that they want the bill split down to the penny. So I never have to worry about who got what. LOL
March 5th, 2009 at 06:38 pm 1236278337
OH,btw, by the bill split down to the penny, I mean they pay for what they got, I pay for what I got, you pay for what you got, etc.
March 5th, 2009 at 07:31 pm 1236281497
We never said anything to her, because we had to work with her, and it just wasn't worth it, but there was plenty of resentment by some.
March 5th, 2009 at 08:11 pm 1236283869
March 6th, 2009 at 03:59 am 1236311988
As far as obnoxious conversation, I would sit at the opposite end of the table, change the conversation...if that didnt work, I, like you would opt out. Too bad though...you were there first...(wink)
March 6th, 2009 at 04:44 am 1236314676
March 6th, 2009 at 05:25 am 1236317121
I have spoken up before like that to mixed responses. Sometimes I've won the argument and the person covered their extra expense, sometimes not. Generally a hush falls on the table and no one is sure what to do. So stay in control and reiterate what you said. Once 2 people at the table nod in agreement the whole table will join in and you won the match.