I read somewhere that couples most frequently argue about money, sex, and children. Well, I know from personal experience, and I’m sure some will agree, that money definitely can be a point of contention in a relationship. I have a confession… I am married to a man who is very relaxed about how he manages his finances, although he has tremendously improved in the 15 years we’ve been together. DH earns a good living, is always responsible for paying his debts, but fairly passive about saving and investing. Sometimes I think that if it were not for the fact that we have always kept our finances separate, we might have landed in divorce court by now.

When we married, my attorney recommended a pre-nup because I had more assets and needed to protect my sole and separate property for my daughters. Thus, I established my “Sole and Separate Property Trust” and DH and I established our “Community Property Trust.” These trusts articulate the disposition of assets that were mine before marriage and those we have accrued during our marriage. DH and I found we had to make compromises if we were to live (and love) in harmony… this is what works for us.

In the framework articulated in the Millionaire Mind, I am Balance Sheet Affluent (2.13) and DH is not (1.01). Thanks, scfr, for the formula: Age x .112 x Total Annual Realized Income = Expected Net Worth. If you are 2 times your expected net worth, you are "Balance Sheet Affluent." Throughout my life, my philosophy and values about money shaped and influenced my financial position today and the same is true for DH. We are an example of how seemingly financially incompatible couples CAN live in harmony if they understand how they are different and can communicate respectfully and openly about what must happen for the relationship to work.

One example of a “minor” difference between us: DH frequently indulges in buying books, LOTS of books. Granted, he is a professor, so some of the books he uses or refers to in his classes. However, he is an avid reader who will buy books to read for pleasure instead of checking them out from the library. He likes to collects books… as only a true bibliophile will do. When we downsized, DH donated boxes and boxes and boxes of books to a local library because we simply had no room for them in our small townhouse. He spends hundreds on books every year.

An example of a bigger difference: DH has no idea how much he earns, does not track his spending, and NEVER ever balances his checkbook. When he receives a CC bill, DH pays it immediately, even though his money could earn interest for a while longer. When he makes an ATM withdrawal, he checks the balance to get an idea of how much is in his account. DH hasn’t the faintest idea of his net worth. (BTW, I know DH’s net worth and will review it with him whenever he asks and sometimes even if he doesn’t). I, on the other hand, know exactly how much I make, how much I can tax shelter, and my net worth. I use Quicken and the Internet as tools to carefully track expenditures, deposits, investments, and savings.

It helps that each of us makes a good salary, so we are able to contribute equally to our household. (Actually since I make 28% more than DH, I do pay a greater proportionate share of taxes). Each month I give DH an accounting of his 50% share of the joint household expenses. I pay all the joint household bills and set aside funds in “reserve accounts” for expenses that arise periodically (e.g., property taxes, insurance, etc.). We each pay our own gas, personal care, work lunches, professional expenses, gifts to friends or family, donations, etc. DH is very happy to delegate the majority of the financial responsibilities to me.

While I think I positively influence DH many aspects of frugal living, it is still a “work in progress.” Now, he saves regularly through an auto savings plan and contributes the maximum to his retirement account. Perhaps the area where we have the major difference: the values our adult children have learned about money. My two daughters and DH’s son and daughter are diametric opposites in the financial department, but that’s a topic for a future post.

As I look back on June, it’s been atypical in the amount of money I’ve spent on “extras.” Most of this has been on gifts for staff I’ve worked with for the past 8 years. I always give them a small “thank you” gift at the end of the school year, but since I am retiring before the start of the new school year, I did spend more than usual. When the CC bill arrives, I will take this out of my personal “Fudge Factor” reserve account.

Gifts:
Thank you gifts for my office staff (3): $198
Thank you gift for my Assistant Principal (gift card): $75
Birthday gift for my secretary: $47
Birthday gift for my assistant: $47
Graduation gift for friend’s daughter (Macy’s gift card): $50
SIL2 Birthday (gift card): $100

Misc. expenses:
Potluck lunch contribution (from favorite restaurant): $53
Vet bills: $477
Pet sitter (includes tip): $179

Today we woke up in beautiful, scenic Idaho. DH and I made the 12-hour drive yesterday, although we usually fly. We’ve owned our second home in ID, where my two DDs live, since 2006. We’re grateful that DD2 and SIL keep an eye on the house for us since their home is nearby. During the growing season, they mow a small patch of lawn in the front and back. Everything else is automated (sprinklers, heating/cooling, lights). SIL and DD2 do a great job as caretakers and best of all, they do it willingly. We’ll be here about a week, and then drive back to our main home in CA to get ready for our NYC trip.

We love the slower, more relaxed pace here… not to mention it’s more affordable, especially food, gas, and utilities. There’s an abundance of outdoor activities and cultural events, so we never run out of fun things to do. Most importantly, we are near family and that is why we chose this location. In about 5-6 years (maybe less), the plan is to sell our townhouse in CA and relocate permanently to this lovely state. The move will depend on when DH decides to retire from the university teaching job he loves.

Our Idaho home has an appealing “Craftsman cottage” feel to it… it is one-story with high ceilings, shutters on the windows, lots of natural light, low maintenance landscaping, and a garage you access from an alleyway in the back. It is located in a family-oriented, safe neighborhood where every house is unique in a design that must adhere to the CCRs (e.g., 1400 sq. ft. minimum, rock/brick on façade, one or two large trees on front lawn, etc.). There is a small park and a greenbelt nearby. Our house is one of the smallest in the subdivision, but we like its compact footprint and lower-cost maintenance.

This is the first house we’ve ever owned that no one’s lived in before us, and it was affordable enough that we were able to pay for it in cash. The monthly upkeep including property taxes, insurance, HOA dues, and utilities, has been consistently under $400 a month. Of course, utilities are low right now because the house is vacant about 85% of the time… and we know these will increase once we live here year round. But, we’ll also save money because Idaho gives a great homeowner’s tax credit that will lower our property taxes when we make it our primary residence and are able to claim the exemption.

Here are some of our "neighbors" enjoying the green belt.

Yesterday was a very, very sad day for me… I had to have my beloved 18-year-old kitty, MC, put to sleep. MC was like a member of the family. He was a dear little companion and friend who has been through many ups and downs with me for almost two decades, and in my life longer than my DH. I will forever miss his gentle spirit and sweet disposition.

MC – February 1, 1990 - June 24, 2008

DH and I are off to NYC in early July for a family wedding and are excited to be visiting for the first time. Our challenge will be to stick to a vacation budget for the entire week. The budget does not include air fare and hotels as these are already paid for. We are spending 5 nights in Hotel 1, and then changing to another hotel because Hotel 1 would cost more than $400 a night if we had to actually pay for it. (We paid w/points but only had enough for 5 nights.) Hotel 2 is a smaller boutique hotel that is “only” about $215 a night but includes a free breakfast and like Hotel 1, is in the heart of Manhattan. We know NYC is expensive, so I’ve tried to plan accordingly.

Expenses so far:
Air Fare - Paid with “miles” (saved $1000+)
Hotel 1 - Paid with “points” (saved $2100+)
Hotel 2 - Paid from vacation “reserve fund” (cost $439.58+)

Daily Spending Budget (average):
Meals for 2 - $80
Taxis, subway, entrance fees, etc. - $70

Budget for entire week: $1,500

My questions:
Any recommendations for “must see” sites in NYC?
Is our “daily spending budget” realistic?
Any frugal travel tips?

All feedback is appreciated. Thanks!

When I decided to retire, the hardest part was to tell my staff and my community. After 8 years as principal of a large, culturally and linguistically diverse urban school, I have made many wonderful friends, have had many challenges, and many successes. Over the years, my school has been the recipient of several national and state awards, in part because we are a community that has learned to work well together.

Some people may think that I chose to retire because I didn�t like my job, or my health was bad, or I was moving�. Actually, it was none of these. Even though I had a job I LOVED and that paid very well, its very nature created more stress in my life than I was willing to live with at this point in my life. With over 800 students and 65 staff members, the pace was fast, the problems and issues constant. I chose to leave on my terms: while my school was thriving and I still had enough energy to tackle other projects and plans.

So, in late-May, on the day I informed my staff of my retirement, there were many tears, good wishes, thanks, and laughter. I did not want a lot of fanfare � it is not my style. I just wanted to go quietly. Nonetheless, I agreed to a �dinner� in my honor, hosted by my staff at a local restaurant.

To my surprise, this dinner was actually an elaborate retirement party attended by about 85 people, friends and colleagues from the last 15 years. There were videos, surprise VIP guests, entertainment, memory books, great food, orchids galore, and more. It was a wonderful celebration that I will never forget. Some �regrets� I have: because the party was planned in less than two weeks, some people at previous schools were not invited (obviously, I did not control this), and I feel badly that there are some hurt feelings. Also, I would have insisted on NO GIFTS (had I known). All in all, it was a lovely and memorable evening and I feel honored to be recognized in this way.

Have you noticed how HUGE the portions at many restaurants have gotten? Yesterday DH and I went to one of our favorite restaurants for dinner. We each ordered a drink and dinner, and as we seem to end up doing more and more lately, we took home half of it. This will be our dinner tonight. With drinks but no dessert, our tab came to $62 including a 15% tip. This is more than we usually like spend for a dinner out, but it was a special celebration since it was Father’s Day and DH had just returned after three weeks in Central America. I wish more restaurants would lower their prices in exchange for smaller portions. Not only would it help the budget, but would also help those without the willpower to stop eating when they are full. Thankfully, we have gotten better about this in the last few years. Sometimes it’s hard, though, especially if you are someone like me who was raised to “clean your plate.”

By nature, I do not usually complain over trivial things. However, I will not hesitate to express my concerns over an injustice or something serious or dangerous. I am not a pushover by any means. This is NOT one of those times.

Yesterday afternoon DS, BIL, and I went to the movies. I insisted it be my treat since they had driven 45 minutes to come to my house. We got to the local theater early enough to get a cup of coffee before going in and getting three good seats. After a while the theater filled up and soon the previews started.

About five minutes into the featured movie, a little boy of about 4 who was seated behind us began to yell...very loud... every few minutes. Then he alternated with kicks to the back of our seats. His baby sibling also joined in from time to time with loud, fussy cries.

What AMAZED me is that the parents never tried to quiet their child. A woman sitting next to me kept mumbling under her breath about the x!@# kids and this was almost as annoying. Finally, I turned around and asked politely, “Excuse me sir, can you please keep your child quiet? We are trying to enjoy the movie.” The man just looked right through me, did not say a word, and said nothing to his child. He ignored all the people who kept glaring, especially after particularly loud shrieks. Not once did he attempt to quiet his child.

The movie was crowded and there were no other seats available or we would have moved. The flow of the movie was interrupted not only by this child, but by the obvious annoyance of those around us. Sadly, with the exception of my comment to the father, no one said or did a thing. We suffered in silence… well not in silence, but we suffered.

I don’t get it… why do parents of small children bring them to a movie that is not appropriate? Why are they so insensitive to the other patrons? When the movie ended, this family almost flew out of the theater. Maybe it was because they knew people around them were upset, but who knows?

On the way out, I looked for the manager, and finally found him. I asked him (calmly and politely) to provide me with an address because I wanted to lodge a complaint about our experience. He said his company’s policy was that they do not turn anyone away just because they have small children, even if the movie was clearly not G rated. He asked why I had not sought his help during the movie.

I explained that I had not because I didn’t want to miss any more of the movie than I already had, nor did I want to cause a commotion that would further impact the enjoyment of the patrons. I personally do not think people should be turned away just because they have children, but if those children are ruining the experience for the rest, then they should be asked to leave.

After explaining myself, the manager offered me three free tickets if I would forget the complaint. I was only too happy to take them because the reality is that my complaint would likely not change a thing. We will probably go back to see the movie again, but definitely not to a matinee.

DH is in Central America with a group of graduate students and has been keeping me updated via email. This morning, I was able to have a nice long chat with him via Skype. Even though DH is thousands of miles away, it was great to see him “in person.” (It sure is fun to have web cams on our computers!) So far, the trip has been uneventful, except for one student who exceeded the baggage weight limit, so she had to pay an extra $50 (ouch!) for her suitcase. DH says his 15 students are now fully immersed in teaching elementary students in the hosting bilingual school.

The posada (inn) where they are staying is Spartan, but clean and affordable. Most of the rooms cost about $25 per night, have a small private bathroom, but no phone or TV. It does, however, have wireless internet available free to all guests. DH’s group has access to a communal kitchen where they will prepare and share some meals together.

About Skype: With Skype, you can make free calls over the internet to other people on Skype for as long as you like, to wherever you like. It is free to download.

I’ve been using Skype to call relatives in England, Switzerland, and Central America for more than two years. My laptop always goes with me, so I use Skype to call the US when I travel out of the country. This is a great way to make free international calls. If the computers of both Skye users have web cams, you can see each other while you are speaking. Otherwise, you will just hear each other… and it sounds as if you are on “speaker phone.”

If you want to learn more, here is the link:

It’s been a fun and relaxing Memorial Day weekend. On Saturday, I went to see a “chick-flick,” What Happens in Vegas, with two friends. It is definitely not a film my DH would have been eager to see. My friend, FE, is also an about-to-be retired school administrator, and KM has three more years to go. With our “over 55 senior discount,” we paid $6.50 to get in (regular price is $9.50). Afterwards, we went to a favorite restaurant for appetizers and a drink ($12 each). It was an inexpensive afternoon spent in the company of good friends.

On Sunday my one-and-only, wonderful sister and “best friend,” came over with her DH. They live 45 minutes away and we try to get together at least twice a month. DS and I went to the local nursery to buy plants for my patio planters. The nursery was having a Memorial Day sale, so I saved 20% on my plants.

When DS and I finished the planting project, I started up my Cobb BBQ for a healthy dinner of grilled tilapia with homemade mango salsa. Delicious! I love using my Cobb BBQ. It’s simple and inexpensive to use, all the parts go into the dishwasher for easy clean up, and it’s great for small spaces like my patio. The Cobb originated in South Africa, and I found mine online two years ago ($69). I use it all year long, even in winter (Note: it must be used outdoors!). I’ve become the gourmet BBQ chef in our family. Here is a link if you want to learn more about the Cobb:

Early tomorrow morning DH leaves for a three-week trip to Central America where he will be supervising 15 graduate students from his university as they complete their student teaching in a bilingual primary school. This international program allows students to immerse themselves in another culture to broaden their skills working with diverse populations. The group will stay in a “posada” with a communal kitchen and DH will be cooking many of his own meals. Since DH is diabetic, I went to Trader Joe’s today to buy him a few of his favorites things to take along: low-carb dark chocolate bars to satisfy his sweet tooth, unsalted dry roasted almonds, a bottle of Environné Fruit & Vegetable Wash, a small bottle of pesto to serve over low-carb pasta, and some Airborne. I spent just under $25 for items that cost about $19 just a few months ago. Food is definitely getting more and more expensive! Now, if only we can keep his two check-in bags under 50 pounds. This will be a challenge since he’s taking school supplies and a small HP printer to donate to the hosting school which has very meager resources.