My parents died when I was twenty-five and consequently, my daughters grew up never knowing their maternal grandparents. I always felt this was a huge void in their lives as well as in mine. No matter how old you are, you can still feel like an orphan. My parents, while not perfect, provided unconditional love and were there for me when I needed them. And I've never stopped missing them each and every day of my life.

So, naturally, unlike some of my friends, I will never have the experience and the challenge of caring for elderly parents. Seeing what some of my friends are going through makes me determined to not be a burden on my daughters when I can no longer care for myself. To this end, I am making sure I address some of the financial aspects of being too old, ill, or frail to care for myself.

One of my friends is facing the likelihood of having to postpone her retirement because she has to subsidize her parents' income. She is dealing with an 82 year-old mother with Alzheimers and a father who until now has never been involved in the family finances. Sadly, he spends uncontrollably because he doesn't understand how to budget. My friend is fortunate that her dh is supportive because the care of her parents is consuming more and more of her time and money. This is just one example, but I know of several others. I have vowed not to do the same to my own children. So what steps have I taken?

My DD1, a registered nurse, is in charge of our advanced health care directives. We figured she would be in the best position to fully understand any health issues and the resulting implications. I also have two revocable trusts because of our somewhat complicated financial situation. I had considerably more assets than my dh when we married, so one trust addresses my sole and separate property (my DDs are the beneficiaries). The other is a community property trust (our 4 children are beneficiaries). My trust also includes instructions for my funeral... I guess you can say I'll be a control freak even after I'm dead.

Health care is one of the biggest expenses in old age and we are fortunate to have some good resources. I have limited long-term care through my former employer who also provides health care for life (through an HMO) to retirees meeting certain criteria (I did). My recently-retired dh also has health insurance through the Public Employees Retirement System, giving us access to a comprehensive PPO for a nominal fee (currently ~$46 a month). We earned these benefits through our 30+ years of service as public school educators, saving us hundreds a month on health care alone.

At a future date, we will move full-time to ID and live in the house we purchased in 2006. The house is small and easy to maintain and best of all, it's mortgage-free. When we get too old or incapacitated, our income should be adequate to pay someone to help cook, clean, run errands, and take us to appointments. Although I know my DDs would gladly help as much as they could, we do not want to burden them. And because I raised daughters that are honest and financially astute, I know I can trust them to oversee our finances when we can no longer do so. I dread doing some of the crazy or foolish things I've heard about... like another friend's mother who subscribed to 27 magazines and donated money she doesn't have to every charity that solicits through the mail.

And lastly, we've earmarked funds to be used if we have to go into an assisted living home. It comforts me to know my daughters will be there for me in the end, and that we will not be a financial burden on them. Someone was telling me about an 89 year-old woman with no family or friends. She apparently had been dead in her house for weeks before she was discovered because the mailman couldn't fit any more in the mail slot. It's very sad when you hear of someone dying alone and unnoticed. Even though you can arrange to pay for your care, in the end it's the relationships that matter most.

Over the years I've been to many weddings but yesterday I had the pleasure of attending one of the most beautiful and memorable, an elaborate affair that spanned the entire day. The bride is a young woman I met several years ago when she was a student teacher at my school. I subsequently hired her to teach full-time, and she proved to be an extraordinary teacher and continues to be a good friend.

She is Cambodian and very proud of her culture. So her wedding day began in the morning with a traditional Cambodian wedding ceremony. The bride wore a stunning gold-beaded traditional dress that highlighted her exotic beauty. She is tall and slender, the type that can wear anything and look gorgeous, but in this gown she looked like royalty.

The Khmer ceremony began with a procession around the block of the family home, then moved into four phases:
~ Presentation of the Dowry
~ Tea Ceremony
~ Hair Cutting Ceremony (symbolic, no actual cutting)
~ Pairing Ceremony
I was told some traditional Khmer ceremonies can last several days or a week, but it is becoming more common to have a "condensed" version that lasts several hours and is held on the same day as the Western wedding.

At the Pairing Ceremony, four songs were sung and the last one, Tying the Wrists, goes like this: "We tie, we tie three strings to each wrist of our children. We wish for true happiness and success to this couple, who will always be together like wet grass seeds. We tie your left wrist to make you remember your parents. We tie your right wrist to make you carry on the family lineage and traditions."

In the afternoon the couple held their Western wedding ceremony at a winery with beautiful grounds, and we were blessed with perfect weather. The bride wore a lovely Vera Wang gown, looking as if she were modeling for Vogue or a bridal magazine. Her long hair was combed up in an elegant twist and was accented with a birdcage veil. The vows were written by the couple and were romantic and sweet. After a celebratory toast and hors d'oeuvres, the formal photos began. After a while, dh and I got back in the car again for the next stop: the reception.

The reception for more than 500 guests, not all of who were invited to the ceremonies, began at 6:00 p.m. although guests were still arriving at 7:00 p.m. The venue was a restaurant known for its exceptional Asian cuisine. We sat through a 10-course meal that included some dishes I had never tried. I'm proud I tried everything, although I can't say the same for the squeamish folks at my table. We were served jellyfish and seaweed salad, crab soup, chicken, pork, sea bass, garlic lobster, abalone, prawns, shiitake mushrooms with bok choy, and the last course was white wedding rice with shrimp and scallops. Oh, and did I mention there was an open bar that served wine, beer, and spirits?

The first dance by the bride and groom was to "You Are So Beautiful" by Joe Cocker. They took dancing lessons and it showed in their polished performance. Then guests were treated to a slide show that featured the couple and their large family of many aunts, uncles, and cousins on both sides. Later the bride and groom, visited each table, accompanied by their parents, a videographer, and a photographer. By now, the bride had changed into the third outfit of the day: an elegant burgundy velvet dress with gold embroidery on the bodice. When we left at ~10:30 p.m., the dancing was in full swing.

I enjoyed catching up on all the news at my former school with guests I knew. Most were teacher co-workers (actually, I used to be their boss). One teacher shared she is expecting her first baby in April and had just learned it is twins, so she had lots of questions because I am also a mother of twins. Another teacher is expecting her first baby in January... it seems like I was just at her wedding, but it was actually a year ago. So, there will be baby showers and more celebrations in the future.

For the last two weeks, dh and I have been in Boise enjoying our second home. Most of the time the weather's been great but it's gotten very hot in the last few days. It hasn't stopped us from making some great summer memories, though.

Last week we spent two days in McCall, one of my favorite areas and about a two-hour drive from Boise. Payette Lake is in McCall and we found it to be very quiet and not at all crowded during the week.


For a reasonable fee, you can dock you boat at the marina. Payette Lake is popular for waterskiing, jet skiing, and fishing. There are abundant hiking and biking trails at the Ponderosa State Park.


Through our timeshare we were able to stay in a comfortable two-bedroom apartment with great amenities... we were able to cook some of our meals in the well-stocked kitchen.


We had fun watching the resident raccoon. I think he lives under the deck and comes out when he hears folks talking or grilling on the gas BBQ that is provided for guests. "Mmmm... can I have a piece of chicken, pleeeease?"


There was no cost to use the apartment, except for the annual fee that we pay. When you take into account these timeshare fees, it comes to ~$37 a day for accommodations. Not bad for a place that sleeps six.

We are finding that in Boise, most people are friendly and helpful. Life just seems slower-paced and simpler. We can go to the local theater complex and see a movie for $6.75 each (senior discount) and not worry about getting a seat. We went to see Harry Potter on the second day of its release. It was good... it was long and lacked the impact of the first movies, but still worth seeing.

Boise is a bike-friendly city. We've been riding our bikes quite a bit but since the heat wave started, we are riding less. The Boise greenbelt provides about 25 miles of paved pathway. It's great!

We went to the Shakespeare Festival on Saturday to see Comedy of Errors... it was a lot of fun, especially because DD1 and SIL went with us. We enjoyed a nice picnic dinner, followed by DDs homemade strawberry shortcake... which was decadently good.

Even grocery shopping in Boise is more enjoyable for me... you can actually find parking at Costco on a Saturday. That's a big deal for me because, back in Silicon Valley, we NEVER go to Costco on a Saturday due to the crowds and difficult parking.

I'm finding that the cost of living is much less in Boise, especially food and gas. I used Sperling's calculator and found that it is 42% cheaper to live in Boise than in San Jose. Housing is 62% cheaper in Boise than San Jose. This is good news for us because our retirement dollar should go farther when we move here permanently next year as planned.

In our neighborhood, it seems that the real estate market is perking up. Last year in June there were 40+ properties for sale (newly-built homes and lots). Now there are about 12. With a few exceptions, the homes in our neighborhood are well-cared for, thanks in part to our HOA that is doing a better job of monitoring CCR enforcement.

Our Boise home has limited storage so we are getting bids for adding a large storage area in the attic space above the garage. We will be getting two or three bids and will make our decision after we analyze the proposals. It will be interesting to see how ID construction costs compare to CA.

My dh is retiring tomorrow, on July 1. Originally, once he officially retired, he was planning to participate in a program that allows tenured faculty to teach 50% for 5 years. He has decided that doing this for one or maybe two years may be enough. So he will teach in the fall and then may completely retire at the end of 2009. Although his decision is not set in stone, it surprised me. I will support him whatever he decides... working 50% for a few years or "completely" retiring. So, now we are facing some decisions.

We live in a condo in Silicon Valley and have a second home in ID, where my DDs live. Our plan was to eventually sell the CA condo and move to the ID home once dh was 100% retired. Until recently, I didn't think it would happen for at least five years, so we were just coasting along. But now I am facing the reality of moving from the area that has been my home for ~17 years.

I love the diversity of Silicon Valley and the excellent access to so many activities. But the biggest change will be moving away from family and friends. My only sibling and best friend, my sister, lives 45 minutes away. My niece and her children live 25 minutes away, and I am very close to them. Over the years, I've made good friends and will miss seeing them on a regular basis. My dh's children live in Fresno, ~4 hours away, so we will see them less often, too.

But ID is a beautiful state, made all the more special because my daughters live there. However, they have lives and careers of their own. Although it will be great to be minutes away from them, I can't and won't expect them to alter their lives for us. Once we are permanently living in our new city, dh and I will have to work on making new friends and getting involved in community activities. And while I don't think it will necessarily be an easy transition, it will be an exciting challenge.

Another issue is that real estate is extremely depressed in our area, and we may not be able to easily sell our condo. So, dh and I have been discussing the idea renting our condo, something we did for the first three years after we bought it. We can rent it for enough to cover the payment and a 10% management fee. And, we could rent it for up to three years and still get our capital gains exclusion. Not that it matters right now... I think the place is worth about the same as we paid for it in 2003, so there is really no gain to consider at the moment.

I have been reflecting about why I am leaning toward renting our condo. To be honest, I feel we can always move back to Silicon Valley if living in Idaho is not what we expected it to be. It's not that I think we won't enjoy living in Idaho, but I know it will be different to live there full-time instead of just spending a few weeks here and there. So, we'll see... time will tell and help us clarify our decisions.

Five days after returning from ~ a month of intense work in Guatemala, dh and I left on our long-planned cruise to Alaska. It was a wonderful experience, especially because we were joined by my DDs and SILs. It was great to see them every day for a whole week, enjoying meals and some excursions together.

Alaska is beautiful and we had clear but cool weather most days. Juneau was the exception, where it rained as we sailed away through the icy fjord. The wildlife is abundant... we saw seals, whales, dolphins, eagles, bears, and even some reindeer.

I photographed this eagle near the Ketchikan rain forest.


The Glacier Gardens in Juneau are alive with color and texture.


Here is a view of Mendenhall Glacier (Juneau) from the observation area... it is magnificent.


This is Dawes Glacier, seen as we sailed through Endicott Fjord.


We saw some beautiful, rugged country on the train excursion to White Pass in Skagway.


The view from our stateroom was amazing.


We had three adjoining staterooms and had fun visiting from our balconies. My DDs/SILs are enjoying the view as we leave Seattle.


Cheers!

Before I retired, I had a busy and rewarding, albeit stressful job as an elementary school principal. Although I enjoyed the work and it paid well, the job required ~60+ hours a week and there was always something happening at least one evening a week, and even on weekends. I used to think that that my dh had it made with the easier job because he is "just a teacher."

Well, since retiring, I have a newfound appreciation for my dh's job. Now that I am home more, I see and understand how much time he puts into his job. He teaches adult graduate students, and they generate copious amounts of writing through the various required course assignments. He carefully reads every paper and writes comments on each one. He stays on top of the research in his field and must prepare for his classes, not to mention having to publish scholarly articles and books on a regular basis, and coordinate his program. And then there are the frequent and time-consuming department and committee meetings.

I guess I never noticed before because I was too busy with my own job. In retrospect, I was so wrapped up my work that I became oblivious to what my dh actually does and how hard he works. The workaholic life I used to lead was a selfish life because I tended to focus on my own work as if it were more important then dh's, and it consumed so much of my time. Now, things are very different... although I earn less than half of what I used to, life is by far richer and more rewarding.

to prod you into action! Deadlines motivate me, so I volunteered to create a slideshow for a celebration at the university where I've been working part time. I used iDVD, iPhoto, iTunes, and Keynote to create a 10-minute slideshow that loops. Students emailed me photos and I incorporated more than 150 of them in the slideshow. After I added transitions and music, it was ready to be burned on a DVD. The DVD was played on the high-tech audio system of the auditorium and the slideshow projected on a huge screen behind the podium.

Based on the positive comments from students and their families, the slideshow was a hit. I've wanted to learn how to create a DVD slideshow for a while, and having this project with its deadline forced me to work on it until I figured it out and got it just the way I wanted. Now I know how to use digital photos and video clips to create a special DVD... and this could make a great, inexpensive, and unique gift. All the programs I used came pre-installed in the laptop I bought last year, so I only had to spend about 40 cents each for the 5 copies of the DVD.

My next project: scan old family photos from the pre-digital days and create some DVD "albums" for our children.

The weekend went by very quickly... I guess time flies when you're having fun. My DD2 came from ID for the weekend and I thoroughly enjoyed our time together until I took her to the airport late Monday. On Saturday, we went to the new California Academy of Sciences in San Francisco. It was the first time we'd been there since it was rebuilt and then reopened in September 2008. This is the "greenest" museum in the world and houses the Steinhart Aquarium, the Morrison Planetarium, the Kimball Natural History Museum, a four-story rain forest, and more. It was crowded and the lines long, but we got right in because I bought our tickets online and printed them at home. Following are some photos taken at the CAS.

The albino alligator is very rare and has become a CAS mascot.


The giant sea bass lumber around like gentle giants.


These tiny red and blue bromeliad frogs thrive in the rain forest.


Watch out for hitchhikers in the rain forest.


Looking down from the second story of the rain forest.


For Mother's Day, we had a lovely brunch at my sister's house and were joined by my niece and her family, so it was even more fun and special because the cousins rarely see each other. On the way home, we stopped at the Farmer's Market in Santana Row for fresh fruits and vegetables. My DD insisted on buying me a beautiful white Phalaenopsis orchid, my favorite. I love orchids because they last for months and this one has lots of blooms that are just starting to open. I love shopping for produce at farmer's markets and the Santana Row market features organically and locally grown fruits and vegetables, something I am trying to buy more of this year. Hope all of the mothers at SA had a wonderful Mother's Day, too.

Literally. He called me because he was stranded so I went to the rescue. We found a gas station that sold us a cheap plastic 2-gallon container filled with gas for $18.91... What an expensive "mistake."

This is the first time dh has done this in all the years I've known him. All I can think of is that he has been super-busy and very distracted, so he didn't notice the indicator on the dash. Am I ever glad he's decided to retire!

Male readers be warned: you will want to skip this post.

JC Penney had a sale today where everything in the store was 20% off, even if items were already on sale. So, I trekked to the mall and bought two bras, normally $35, on sale for $17.99 minus an additional 20% off. Then I paid for the purchase with the $25 gift card I received from My Points, so the bottom line for me was: $6.44. I love savings like this... more then $50!

But I made up for it with my next purchase, although I still got 20% off. I bought some adorable, girlie clothes for the newest member of the family, a baby girl born Friday to my cousin and his wife who live in El Salvador. This baby is truly a miracle... they have been married for 14 years, and both are 41. They had given up on ever having children even though they wanted them badly. So, as you can see, this baby was a big surprise, and as my cousin said in his email to me, "a gift from God."

Yesterday I had lunch with a friend who is considering retiring in July. She is 62 and has worked as a teacher for over 30 years. My friend is widowed with a grown son and four grandchildren. (Thankfully, her son will not be a financial burden... he is a successful engineer). According to her retirement estimate, my friend's pension will be about 72% of her current working income. My DF wanted to "pick my brain" because I retired last August, and she's searching for other perspectives on anything and everything related to retiring, especially some of the financial aspects.

So we chatted about what she's done to prepare for retirement. My friend has a 403b account ("small" in her words... not sure what that means) and a savings CD with about "one year's gross salary." DF owns her home that is almost paid for and has no other debt. In talking to my friend, here are some things she DID NOT take into consideration:

1) Inflation: although the state teacher's retirement system guarantees an annual 2% COLA, inflation will likely be higher. DF said she would use her 403b funds as needed to keep pace with inflation.

2) Health insurance: she will not be eligible for Medicare until almost 3 years after her retirement, so she has to plan for health coverage once COBRA runs out. (She thought COBRA would go on until she is eligible for Medicare, but I think it is only 18 months.) She said she would substitute teach to help pay for her health insurance until age 65, or take money from her savings.

3) Paying for increased cost of travel: after retirement, DF will reduce some expenses, but she didn't take into account that travel, a priority for her, might incur more expenses. She said she would use her savings or take on part-time work to pay for travel. Fortunately travel is a "want" and not a "need."

All in all, it seems my friend is on track to retire. She shared that she currently lives on about 80% of her net income, so that is another big plus for her. DF will use her retirement benefit "lump sum" to pay off her small mortgage. And, since she will no longer have a mortgage payment, she will try to add to her savings each month.

I did advise my DF to meet with her HR department regarding COBRA, and a financial planner and/or accountant to get specific financial and tax advice. Taxes in retirement can be an unpleasant surprise if you're accustomed to sheltering income and then find you have few deductions. However, I was happy to share some of the steps I took in my own retirement planning. My DF is doing exactly what I did prior to making the decision to retire... talking to others who have been through the process and leaving no detail to chance.

Today I cooked a big, plump 5-pound chicken. I decided it would be fun to challenge myself to see how many meals I can make from ONE chicken. So here is the plan:

Meal 1 ~ Chicken Soup with rice and vegetables, served with whole wheat French bread
Meal 2 ~ Chicken Stir Fry served with brown rice
Meal 3 ~ Chicken Curry over brown rice, served with cucumber salad
Meal 4 ~ Chicken Divan Crepes served with Cesar salad

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On another note, by some miracle we are getting a federal tax refund, but after we pay additional state taxes and the $895 fee to the accountant, we are in the red by $54. Not bad, especially since I thought we would owe much more. It helped that we adjusted withholdings to have more taken out of our checks. We will tweak withholdings again once dh retires.

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My DD1 spent the weekend and we a wonderful visit. I enjoyed every minute with her until it was time to take her to the airport Sunday evening. The whale-watching trip on Saturday was canceled because the water was too choppy for the small boat, but we did enjoy a nice picnic at the beach at Point Lobos. We were blessed with glorious weather and it did not seem all that windy on shore. Then we had fun watching the sea lions and otters frolicking just off shore. The rock in the photo below is covered with sea lions soaking up the sun.


On Sunday, we had Easter brunch at one of our favorite restaurants. In past years, it's been hard to get reservations and they've had so many people that they've had to set up tables outside. It was very different this year... there were more waitpersons than customers. Granted, we had 9:30 reservations, but still, it was weird. The food was amazing and abundant but by the time we left at ~10:45, it was still pretty empty. The buffet included seafood of all kinds, roast beef and turkey, omelets made-to-order, and more.

I was without Internet all day yesterday but my situation was minor compared to what could have happened. There was a major communication services outage in the south Bay Area caused by the sabotage of someone who climbed down a manhole in the middle of the night and cut several critical fiber-optic cables (in four different locations). It is clear our infrastructure is unprepared for acts of vandalism of this magnitude. I also think it also gives us a preview of what to expect in the event of a serious natural disaster (e.g., major earthquake). This vandalism will cost thousands of dollars to repair, impacted all communication and emergency services, and put lives at risk.

Aside from the inconvenience, the worst part is that many people were without BOTH cell phone and/or landlines. They were told to go out to flag a patrol car in case of emergency... as if this were easy or practical. Fortunately no one died as a result of a 911 emergency or a fire that could not be reported, but I heard of some very serious situations involving critically ill people. I hope they throw the book at the wretch who committed this vandalism and make him pay. There is a $100,000 reward for information leading to the arrest of the perpetrator(s) so that gives you an idea of the seriousness of the crime.

On the positive side, we got some much-needed rain yesterday. So, I caught up on my sewing, went to the bank and the grocery store (saved ~$15 with specials), and enjoyed reading by the fire with TC snuggling next to me. My DD1 is coming today to spend the weekend, and I can't wait to see her. I'm off to the airport in a few minutes. We will spend a few hours relaxing at a local spa, enjoying each other's company. On Saturday we are supposed to go whale watching off Monterey Bay, weather permitting. My DS and BIL will go with us so it should be a fun family outing.

When dh submitted his retirement application, he had to provide a copy of our marriage certificate... not a big deal, and dh was "almost certain" we had a copy in our safe deposit box. We just celebrated 15 years of wedded bliss, but for some reason, this requirement resulted in a chilling thought: what if we are NOT really married? To explain why I would think this way, I must share some of the details of our wedding day.

Our wedding was the epitome of simplicity. We got married on a glorious spring day in our own home, in the company of our children and our closest family and friends, about 25 guests in all. The ceremony was officiated by a friend, a kindergarten teacher I worked with. The delicious food was catered by another teacher and her husband and cost ~$125. The exquisite wedding cake was baked by my sister and was a culinary work-of-art decorated with fresh roses from our yard. My DS also made my delicate wedding bouquet.

The live music (guitar and vocals) was provided by my step-children's godparents and added a very special touch. Champagne and drinks were from Costco, and my stepdaughter and I had fun making the favors. My wedding dress cost ~$150 and was an elegant tea-length ivory gown (bought on sale, of course). We married on a Sunday and took Monday off for a mini-honeymoon in San Francisco. On Tuesday, I returned to work.

Somehow, the details of filing the official document to record our marriage fell to someone else, because I KNOW I didn't do it. What was most alarming was that dh told me he didn't do it, either. Well, the good news is... we ARE legally married! I carefully read the certificate and it is true AND official. Neither one of us remembers how the paperwork was filed, but all that matters is that it was. Phew!

To celebrate our 15th wedding anniversary and because it's spring break at dh's university, we arrived in beautiful San Antonio, Texas, on Friday afternoon. We will be here for a full week. It was not a "spur of the moment" trip... we planned it months ago. Why San Antonio? Well, why not! It is replete with history and many interesting things to see and do. We also wanted to explore San Antonio as a possible place for a pair of old snowbirds to fly to every once in a while.

Best of all, it should be a fairly inexpensive trip. Staying in a lovely one-bedroom apartment of an old historic building on the Riverwalk was "free" because of our timeshare. Well, we did have to pay ~$400 for annual dues, but this is essentially the cost of one night. The airfare cost us the price of airport taxes, ~ $20... do I ever love using those miles to save money!

Our apartment has free wireless Internet, so I'll be posting some pictures when I can. Here is one of the famous Riverwalk, a beautiful place that is just alive with action.


A large fountain and lush foliage provides a safe haven for this little family.


Remember the Alamo? We enjoyed our visit to this monument that is just two blocks from our apartment... and the entrance is free.


A sign we'd never see in CA... at the entrance to the bar of the Menger Hotel, famous as the place Teddy Roosevelt recruited the "Rough Riders." We didn't go in... I'm allergic to smoke.

I have a friend who is 92 and an inspiration to me. I'll call her Rose, although it's not her real name. Rose is a very independent woman, a widow, and she lives alone in the beautiful home she has owned for 50+ years. And, yes, it does concern me that she still occasionally drives her well-maintained, new-looking 1985 Honda to visit her older sister who is in a nursing home, but she is still a good driver. But at her age, we know that reflexes diminish, so neighbors and friends help out by driving her on her errands whenever possible.

Rose is spry, intelligent, and personable and she has impeccable manners. It amazes me she can still walk at a fast clip in heels, something that would challenge much younger folks. At 92, Rose is the same age my mother would have been had she not died so young and I'd like to think my mother would have been like Rose.

I am convinced Rose's diet and work ethic have helped her live this long. She loves to drink tea and eats a healthy diet with little meat, but lots fruits and vegetables... and she enjoys a glass of red wine with dinner. Rose has several fruit trees in her yard and still grows a small garden each summer, although she is slowing down a bit in this area. About six years ago she relented and hired a gardener to mow her lawn and prune her trees.

Rose and I have lunch together about once or twice a month although I check in on her more frequently, and I always enjoy our chats. What is remarkable about Rose is her positive attitude and a resilience that enabled her to survive a host of challenging events in her life, events she tells me about with stoicism and sometimes even with humor.

Rose was a teenager during the Great Depression. Everyone in her family pooled resources and worked to bring money to the home. Rose and her siblings took turns being out of school to work in a cannery to help put food on the table. She had one pair of shoes and two dresses, one for everyday and one for Sunday and special occasions. Her dresses were hand-me-downs from relatives that were better off. This is quite a contrast from what many of today's teenagers make do with.

I asked Rose what she remembers from those years that has remained with her to this day. Here is what she shared:

~ Never waste anything - buy only what you need
~ Try to do things for yourself instead of paying someone to do it for you
~ Wait to buy something until you have the money to pay for it
~ Take care of your things so they will last
~ Save money so you will always have something to fall back on
~ Work hard and get along with people - it could mean you will keep your job

Can you imagine rebuilding your life after the Great Depression only to have everything you've worked for taken away again? This happened to Rose. In a future post I may share Rose's story about her experience as a Japanese-American in the Tule Lake interment camp starting in 1942, but this was a time in her life that was difficult and the good memories are few. She did meet her beloved husband of 50+ years at the camp and they married in 1945 when they were freed. To their disappointment, they were never able to have children but she helped raise and support several nieces and nephews over the years. I admire that Rose is not bitter or angry about the events in her life and I am convinced her positive attitude has been another factor her longevity.

for my dh! Yesterday we went to a meeting where dh filled out his retirement application. His last day of work will be June 30 and his official retirement date will be July 1. However, for up to five years thereafter he will be able to participate in a program offered by his employer that allows retired faculty to work 50% of their former assignment. So in reality, dh is transitioning into retirement. But this is good for him because, unlike me, he would keep working until the day he dies even though he has been teaching for 35 years.

And, this is not such a bad thing, to keep working. It's just that dh is in the season of life where IMHO work should be redefined to allow a few adventures here and there. We will have long stretches of time from December to August to travel, enjoy a slower pace, and do some of the things we've only talked and dreamed about... like living in another country instead of just visiting. Then in the fall for up to five years, dh will teach 3-4 classes and get working out of his system for a while.

In the financial area, dh will continue to have health benefits, so we were happy to have this verified. His benefits will complement those we receive from my former employer and we think they will be about the same as they are now. But we're checking into the dental coverage as we are not sure about this one. If we lose dental coverage, I will add dental to our monthly expenses and make necessary adjustments to the budget.

And, because dh will not be tax-sheltering any income and eliminating expenses like parking and union fees, his net pension amount will be higher than we previously estimated. Nonetheless, we are ready, willing, and able to live on less. Now, the application is complete, but we can't turn it in until after April 1. The pension plan won't accept applications for retirement unless retirement is within 90 days. So we made an appointment for April 2 and I'm counting the days.

Yesterday while on a little outing with my niece and grandniece, we were enjoying the beautiful day and some treats at the outdoor dining area of a local Starbuck's. While we sat there, a lady came up to our table and asked if we lived locally, and we said we did. Then she proceeded to tell us about a line of clothes she was selling at "wholesale" prices at the store across the street. The sale would be just for the day and the store was Costco.

Well, intrigued, we decided to go over and check it out. The clothes were cute, a well known brand that is made in the USA. But I found the prices still too high, at least for what I was willing to spend on items I really did not need. And, sadly, there seemed to be very little interest in the "sale" from other customers. People are sticking to basics these days.

What really hit home for me, though, is the sense of desperation I am seeing with so many retailers nowadays. It seems more and more businesses are struggling or on the brink of collapse. I'm seeing it too often in the faces and the voices of people at the smaller stores and businesses. The lady that told us about the sale tried so hard to sell us something that I almost bought out of pity. In the end, I decided it would not be money well spent for me.

On a positive note, I did find three very cute items for a baby shower I am attending on Thursday for the baby boy of a colleague at the university. So, now I can cross that off my "to do" list for Monday.

Every month or so I go to a favorite sushi bar with a group of friends I've known since graduate school. We always have a good time, enjoying the food and camaraderie. In the past, we've always split the tab evenly, and it's never been a problem. But lately, I've been skipping this gathering because one friend has been inviting someone new. I'll call the newbie Barney (not his real name). Inviting someone new is not the problem.

The problem and the source of my annoyance is that Barney orders (and eats) at least twice as much as everyone else, greedily perusing the menu for new dishes to try. He NEVER shares with others the way the rest of us do and he typically orders the most expensive drinks and sushi enough for a small army. Then, when it's time to pay, Barney is only too delighted to split the tab evenly... can't whip out his wallet fast enough. And did I mention Barney's favorite topic of conversation is, ad nauseam: Barney's Horrible Day (Week, Month, Year, Life, Job...)!

For me, it's not about the money... paying an extra $10 or so won't break the bank. It's Barney's utter lack of consideration and his boorish behavior that annoys the c!%& out of me. It's interesting how one person can change the group dynamic. So far, I've kept mum, not wanting to be cheap or feel awkward by asking Barney to pay his fair share (or to shut up for that matter).

Since it had never been a problem, we just kept up the practice of splitting the tab as we had always done before Barney. It's what a lot of folks do, I think. When dh and I go out with friends, or when I dine out with a group, everyone keeps track of their tab and pays the corresponding amount. It works out just fine and someone usually volunteers to be the "banker" and collect the cash. Or, if we all order about the same, we evenly split it.

Nowadays, if I know that Barney will be at the sushi bar, I decline rather than having to deal with him. I guess I have no spine when it comes to some things... and maybe Barney's behavior doesn't bother anyone else but me. Who cares? At this point in my life, I avoid annoying, irritating, negative people the same way I do pollen and stinging insects... or anything else that provokes my allergies. Do you know someone like Barney and how do you deal with him/her?

My nephew and his wife are the proud new parents of a sweet baby boy who was born in early January. I've received many photos and I can see that my new grandnephew is a beautiful combination of his parents, but I am most definitely biased. Tomorrow I am off to NYC to celebrate the baby's red egg and ginger party, a custom in his mother's culture. I can't wait to meet my grandnephew and to see my NY family once again.

Dh is staying behind due to his work schedule, but he'll be driving me to the airport, and on the way we'll pick up my niece and her children (my grandniece and other grandnephew). We are all traveling on the same direct flight to NYC, and my DS and BIL will also travel with us. Despite the cold NY weather, we are all excited and looking forward to the trip.

And, because it's off-season, I got some excellent deals on my hotel and airfare. I learned it pays to call the hotel directly and negotiate a discount instead of just booking online. I saved ~$275, and found a nice, smaller "boutique" hotel that offers a complimentary hot breakfast daily and is only two blocks from my nephew's apartment. Another money-saver was to buy two one-way tickets on different airlines instead of a round-trip ticket on one. I chose Virgin America for the trip to NYC and I'm returning to CA on AA, so my total airfare was $279.20 instead of ~$375-$450 for the itinerary I wanted.

Caught a late flight out of Silicon Valley, off for a few quiet days at our second home. I'll enjoy spending time with my DDs and SILs. DD2 and SIL live a few blocks away (from our house) and DD1 and SIL live about 25 minutes out of town in the country. I didn't get to see them during the holidays because we were in Central America, so this is a treat for me.

Dh's work schedule doesn't permit him to take time off, especially at the beginning of the semester, so I came alone. I'll go back to CA in time for my Friday afternoon seminar, the only "work obligation" I have in the coming week. Later in the semester, the pace will pick up, making it more challenging to get away, even for a few days.

Outside, it's 19 degrees (~7 C) and the ground has a patchwork of snow. I'm not comfortable driving in extreme weather but we keep our reliable, well-maintained 10-year-old SUV here, and it has 4x4, so that helps. Fortunately, today the roads are clear and there is no ice or snow to contend with.

Our second home is averaged-sized (~1800 sq. ft.), one-story, and highly energy efficient. Right after we bought it in 2006, I invested in shutters for all the windows and this has added to its energy efficiency. This morning I analyzed the total energy costs for 2008:

Gas: $369.11
Electric: $196.29

Monthly average for both: $47.12

Not bad, considering that our townhouse in CA is smaller yet costs much more to heat and cool even though the weather there is milder year round.

Guess I'll get my book and relax by the fire until it's time to go to DD1s to watch the Super Bowl.

Wednesday marked the start of the spring semester and with it, some changes. I accepted another part-time contract to supervise student teachers, an assignment that means working about one or two days a week but only a few hours each day. This assignment is special in that I might be able to follow the group for a whole year while they complete both semesters of student teaching. The fall 2009 term would be more intense. The job pays very little, but the extra money is appreciated and I plan to funnel most of it to the travel savings.

My dh, who works at the same university, has decided to retire in June of 2009 (he just turned 63). He plans to participate in a special "early retirement" program that would allow him to collect his pension but also teach one semester (for regular pay). He would be eligible to do this for up to five years although I am hoping he doesn't go that long as he would be 68!

Unlike me, who was very ready to retire last fall, my dh loves his job and seems to have very little stress. He is popular with students and his classes are always filled to capacity and beyond. Sometimes I worry he is retiring to please me. But after 30 years of teaching, he does agree it is time to slow down. We have had many talks... about choosing retirement because he is ready and not because I am already retired.

Well, this morning he told me he is submitting his paperwork next week, but I will believe it when I see it. If he retires, he would work the fall term (late August to early December), then we would be free for the next nine months. It would give us time to travel and just enjoy a more relaxed pace. One concern: once dh retires, will so much "together time" be as pleasant as it sounds? Hmmm...

Yesterday dh invited my DSS (31) and DSD (29) to lunch at one of their favorites restaurants which happens to be a national chain. It was not very busy so we were seated promptly in a private booth. The hostess gave us our menus and told us someone would soon be back to take our order. When my DSD opened her menu, she gasped... inside the menu was a $100 bill! Of course, we were all stunned. We even looked around to see if maybe we were on Candid Camera. (We weren't!)

We began a debate about how a $100 bill had gotten in the menu to begin with, and what to do about it. I suggested asking the manager if anyone had lost any $$, but not mentioning an amount... or that DSD could just give the $$ to the manager and let its disposition be on his/her conscience. DSD felt the $$ couldn't possibly be traced to anyone and that she should keep it because she had "found it." DSS adamantly agreed with DSD and dh agreed the decision should be my DSD's. Both DSD and DSS felt it was a "finder's keeper's" situation.

I suggested that DSD think about it and decide what to do after we ate lunch. Well, after lunch she made the decision to keep the $$ rather than turning it in "for someone else to keep." I wasn't comfortable with her decision and dh was no help ("It's up to her."). In the end, I decided not to fight the battle as I've had friction in the past with my DSD over her spending habits and I wanted to avoid conflict related to money. What would you have done?

In December we traveled to El Salvador to celebrate my aunt and uncle's 50th wedding anniversary. The best part of the trip was getting to know some family members I do not see very frequently, and of course, spending time with my "tios" (aunt, uncle). It had been two years since my last visit to El Salvador, the smallest yet most densely populated country in Central America. It is also the country of my birth.

I sometimes wonder how differently my life might have been had it not been for the devastating earthquake in 1951 that prompted my family to immigrate to the US where my sister and I grew up. Although we later became naturalized citizens, I continue to feel a bond to this unique and beautiful country, the source of many memories. As a child, we traveled to El Salvador every year or so. The visits became less frequent when I married, and then, the civil war began in 1980 making it more difficult to travel.

El Salvador is a country that continues to develop after the 12-year civil war that ended in 1992. In many ways, I see the influence of the USA. One of the most notable is the adoption of the American dollar as the national currency. It makes it easy for Americans to travel... no worry about currency exchange here.

The geography of El Salvador amazing: it is a land of beautiful volcanoes, lush rain forests, and compelling landscapes. You can travel from the mountains to the sea in a matter of hours.


One of my cousins has a house at the beach and it can be reached in less than an hour from their home in the city of San Salvador. The water is warm and the beach clean. A comfortable ocean-front home can be had for under $200,000, something unheard of in the USA. When I say ocean-front, I mean open the back gate and step onto the beach ocean-front.


We feasted on freshly caught oysters, shrimp, and fish. The house at the beach was one of my favorite places.


El Salvador's beaches are great for surfing, a popular sport. This is the view from the back deck of the house.


Tourism is a growing industry. El Salvador sometimes gets bad press regarding crime and danger to travelers, but we felt completely safe at all times. Of course, we were always escorted by a family member or a "motorista," familiar with the city and the traffic patterns. Rush hour in San Salvador can be just as ugly as it is in Silicon Valley or LA.

A favorite place we visited was La Palma, is a city known for its unique artistic style that features vivid colors and motifs from rural life. The buildings and even the light posts show off the unique art style.


That is my 80-year-old aunt in the green top... she is an amazing lady who has boundless energy. My dh is on the left. You can see wall paintings in the "La Palma" style on the right.


From my aunt's home, we can look down to the American Embassy, the largest in the Americas, situated in an area called Antiguo Cuscatlan. It is rumored that the building is built like a fortress, ready to house Americans in case of an emergency. There are many Americans living in El Salvador, and I think the number will increase because the American dollar goes much farther in El Salvador, making it attractive for retirees.

Some contrasts and comparisons with middle-class life in the USA:
-Many housing complexes, large and small, have 24 hour guards who monitor the premises and screen visitors;

-Homes are often built like "mini-fortresses" in that they have bars on the windows, heavy doors protecting the parking area through which you can usually access the front door. High concrete walls topped with concertina wire impede access through garden areas and back patios;

-Most homes that would be considered at least middle-class have an area called a "servicio" which is used by household help (e.g., nannies, maids);

-Homes are usually built without heaters... there is no need due to the mild climate;

-All banks and many businesses employ armed guards;

-Some food is more expensive or about the same as in the USA (canned goods, imported items) but some, such as fresh fruit, is far cheaper;

-Gas is currently ~ $2.25 a gallon, higher than it is where we live in CA;

-The cost of meals at many restaurants we visited (Caliche's, La Pampa, Hunan, Tony Roma's, Black Angus, etc.) is about the same as in the USA but beer and mixed drinks are much cheaper;

-American fast food is very popular (Pizza Hut, Burger King, McDonald's, etc.), especially with the younger crowd;

-Go to a shopping mall such as Galerias or La Gran Via and you will think you are in the USA... no difference, right down to the Christmas carols in English, Santa, and large trees with all the trimmings;

-In El Salvador, Costco is called PriceSmart and is a considered a good place to get bargains... membership required, just like in the US;

-Internet access is becoming more commonplace... we even had high-speed wireless where we stayed;

-Household help is very affordable by US measures: you can hire a full-time, live-in maid, motorista (chauffer), nanny, or cook for minimum wage that is about $175 a month. (One sobering thought: how does one live on $175 a month, especially when food can be as expensive as it is in the USA?)

And finally, one of my favorite things about El Salvador is the cuisine. If you ever get a chance to eat in a Salvadoran restaurant, be sure to try the pupusas which are small stuffed corn tortillas. I also love the red beans with cream (frijoles con crema), fried plantains (platanos fritos), and the variety of fresh cheeses available. Now, I've made myself hungry.

That's me at the Club Tecleno, on the day of the anniversary party.

In a few hours, my dh and I will hop on a plane to visit family in Central America. Not sure I'll have Internet access while there, so I probably won't be able to keep up with SA member blogs, but I do look forward to catching up on your posts in a few weeks. To my blogmates at SA, may 2009 bring you good health, the love of family and friends, peace and prosperity.

When I worked, my school sponsored an annual holiday food drive and we filled many barrels with food for the needy. My students and their families donated generously, even though most had financial struggles of their own. Our efforts were recognized with awards and accolades, but to me the best reward was seeing the kindness and caring that this effort generated. Now that I'm retired, I do miss this event.

The local paper has been reporting that more than in past years, there is a severe shortage of food being donated to the local food banks. Understandably, the recession is a factor. Many people are challenged to put food on their own table and donating food, no matter how good the cause, is not an option for them right now.

So, this year DH and I agreed we would tell our close family, the ones we exchange gifts with (children, my sister and BIL, niece, nephew), that what we want for Christmas is for them to make a donation in our name to one of our favorite charities, the local food bank. We do not want to know the amount of the donation, just that one has been made.

Well, we've communicated our wishes, and everyone is on board... a few reluctantly because they wanted to get us "something." But I think everyone will follow-through. I love the idea for several reasons. First of all, we are helping others who are less fortunate. Secondly, no one will have to worry about what to get us. And last of all, DH and I are still working on simplifying our lives and really don't need any more "stuff" cluttering our small home.

Around mid-December we leave for a two-week trip to El Salvador, the country of my birth. I have not been there for two years, so naturally I am excited about seeing my family. We will be celebrating my aunt and uncle's 50th wedding anniversary... a milestone nowadays and definitely one in our family where people either die or get divorced before reaching their 50th. Whenever we visit, DH and I are given the VIP treatment... everyone is kind and thoughtful and we always have a great time.

We will be there for Christmas, so I wanted to bring gifts, even if it is something small. My aunt, age 80, is my mother's younger sister and she has five children, and they are all married and have children of their own... so we are talking about a lot of relatives. Some I do not know well, others I am close to. Altogether, I needed to buy gifts for 26 people including a baby due in May. Packing all of this will be interesting to say the least.

I called this my "shopping challenge" because in keeping with import regulations, I had a $500 limit. Moreover, I rarely see some of these relatives so I don't know sizes, likes and so on. My challenge was completed well before Black Friday. A definite benefit of being retired is that I can go shopping in the middle of the day and not fight the crowds. And did I ever score some great bargains! So far, I've spent $319.94 for items that retail for $712.48. This takes care of 21 of the 26 relatives.

The only item I paid full price for was a beautiful, 8.4-inch digital frame that will be a gift for my aunt and uncle ($99 @ Costco.com). We will take photos of the family and the celebration and get everything set up for them while we are there. Everything else was bought on sale or with a discount of some kind. For the baby-to-be (gender unknown): Carter's blankets/bibs and a 7-inch Kodak digital frame for the parents (@ 50% discount). We spent more on them because they are generously housing us during our stay. For my aunt's five children, I bought five beautiful photo frames (5 X 7) and inserted recent photos of their children. This and some type of candy will be a "couple's gift."

Knowing these are favorites, I bought Sees chocolates, Jelly Bellys, and salt-water taffy. One cousin is getting a bottle of organic Napa Valley virgin olive oil to compare to that of his homeland (Milan, Italy). Three female cousins from a different branch of the family are getting a blouse, top, or Liz Claiborne PJs (I knew their size), and an XO wallet and handbag for a teenage cousin. Oh, and the ladies from the "Italian branch" of the family will also get some imported Italian soaps.

I gave up on the five teenage boys who will end up getting money (a new $20 bill). I just don't know sizes or what teenage boys like for that matter, so I saved myself a lot of stress and decided to just go with $$. The American dollar is the official currency of El Salvador, so this will have to do... money in a card. We'll also give some $$ to my aunt and uncle, hoping they'll use it toward a trip to the USA in 2009... or something special like that. And I know it will be OK because the invitation specifies "regalo de sobre" which is like the "money tree" people sometimes have at celebrations here in the US.

My favorite stores for bargains: Ross and TJ Maxx, hands down. You can't beat their deep discounts on name-brand items, but you do have to look around as sometimes these stores can get picked over. But this doesn't stop me... I am a patient shopper. Costco and Best Buy had good deals on high-quality digital frames. All in all, I am pleased that my "shopping challenge" was a success and that I stayed under budget. Now, I better go see about that packing...

Today I spoke to two of my cousins in different parts of the world... DC1 is a first cousin who lives in El Salvador. She is my age and like another sister to me. We had a nice chat to catch up on family news. Before I knew it, 45 minutes had elapsed. In San Salvador there is a two-hour difference from CA time, so we usually find each other at home on a weekend afternoon. I can't wait to see her in a few weeks when we travel to ES.

A few minutes after speaking to DC1, her brother, my DC2, called me from Geneva, where he has lived for the last 25 years. He and I had a nice long chat, too. It was 11:45 p.m. in Geneva and snowing very hard. I love updates on how DC2's children are doing in college. What a very talented group they are. It is impressive that my DC2's three children are fluent in English (their mother is American), French (the language of Geneva), German (the other prominent language in Switzerland), and Spanish (my cousin's first language). He is also multilingual, like most of the Swiss.

Did I mention that both of my calls were free? This is why I love using Skype. Not only are we able to communicate for free, we get to see each other on our computer's videocam.

Yesterday we invited my DS and BIL to the football game for the team of the university where DH works. The dean had given DH four VIP tickets that gave us access to the pregame social event that included music, food, wine and beer... all free, including the parking that would normally be $20. Plus, we had great seats on the 50-yard line in the VIP section.

Well, our team got shut out, and to make matters worse, in the 4th quarter the sky suddenly opened up and we had a monsoon-like downpour. It was not supposed to rain, but wary of the dark clouds, I had gone prepared with my raincoat and boots. DS had a short rain jacket, but DH and BIL quickly got soaked. When the rain started, the home crowd jumped and dispersed as if they'd been sprayed by a fire hose. All but the diehards started to leave. With only 7 minutes left and the bleak score (21-0), we decided to head home, too.

Once back home, I turned on the gas fireplace because DH and BIL were cold and wet, and DS's pants were wet from the thighs down, and she said she was "freezing." So, we are officially out of the "no-heat" contest. We still saved a lot by participating in it though (thanks for motivating us Fern), and it was fun. We will continue to monitor our use and try to be more frugal than we were last year. The forced air heater has yet to come on, but no doubt it will happen soon with the weather getting colder each day